photo: Robert Adam Mayer

This week’s underground hip-hop track of the week is Homeboy Sandman’s Mambo Tail Tale – one of my many favorites from his spectacular new album “Actual Factual Pterodactyl.” I keep finding myself listening to this song on the train laughing hysterically like a goofball. It is a great story about Sand’s first mambo experience. Click below to listen to the track:

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And make sure you follow along with the lyrics after the break.

Step up in the spotlight/
Kinda uptight/
I don’t really like the spotlight/
I was just there ‘cause my main man guy/
Asked me to stop by/
Celebrate the union of he and his wife/
I was like fine/
Wasn’t really trying to leave him high and dry/
But I was only there to say hi and bye/
Wasn’t really trying to hang around all night/
By and by/
Pretty young thing went and caught my eye/
And they opened up wide/
My oh my/
This chick’s just ‘bout as fly as I am/
One of a kind/
Shorty looked dime/
Five plus five/
One plus nine/
Chillin’ in the cut like iodine/
I arose up right shimmy by her side/
Started talking that jive/

Hello – hi/
I’m Sandy – you’re fine/
We could be fine and Sandy/
That would be fine and dandy/
I really can’t stand to see you standing/
We should be dancing/
That’d be really outstanding/
She looked me in the eye said ‘Chill Loco/
What I look like – some old silly old video ho?/
Like I’ma hit the dance floor with any Joe Schmoe?/
Make me touch my toes? Oh no!/
I don’t dance to this garbage/
This shit is retarded/
You had better beg pardon pronto/
Adios muchacho unless you dance mambo’/

Now I don’t really know how to mambo though/
I don’t know if you mambo fast, if you mambo slow/
If you mambo both/
Shorty looked fine though/
I was trying to kick it like taekwondo/
So I said, ‘Hell yeah I can mambo miss/
I am very head hancho-ish’/
Now of course I’m just talking shit/
But how she gonna call my bluff?/
This DJ’s playing all that sambo stuff/
He ain’t gonna play no mambo cuts/
At that point the shit just got bugged/
Shorty threw her fingers up, snapped them once/
I don’t know where, some dudes just rolled up/
One had a trombone the other had drums/
Fuck/

At this point I got scared/
Homegirl obviously came prepared/
I thought the bouncers might spring into action/
They ain’t do jack shit – they just stared/
The DJ made an announcement/
’Everybody clear the dance floor please/
We got a special visit from the mambo queen/
And she about to show you how to mambo properly’/
Then the spotlight shined and it landed on her and I/
I wished that I could run and hide/
Instantly my hands got clammy, my mouth got dry/
Caught in a bind ‘cause of my little white lie/
I was feeling contrite/
But I am not the type of guy/
To take flight when the stakes get high/
Said I might as well try/

My dude starts playing the congas/
Another dude starts strumming the base/
A chick starts shaking maracas/
The crowd went bonkers/
Apparently the band was quite popular/
It’d be improper, not be remiss/
If I ain’t point out the fact that when the dude played the sax it went a little something like this …/
[Sax interlude]

Broke from out my b-boy stance/
And I extended my hand/
And she grabbed it/
Started moving side to side/
It’s kinda synchronized/
Like we planned it/
Then I started putting it down/
I started spinning her around/
Real rapid/
Then I threw her up in the sky/
They thought I threw her too high/
But then I caught her in stride when she landed/
It was fantastic/
I was going in hard/
Like the race car dude from Dancing With The Stars/
No bullshit/
Went into a backflip/
Landed in a full split/
Then the crowd roared got an applause/
I was just a natural/
Me and homegirl got a standing O/
They cried for an encore more than once/
But we had to run back to her place she gave me the buns/
The End