We had a long talk last night, at times it was very intense; border-line argument. I told her that I missed our past. The love she held in her heart, the inner beauty that made her special.

I told her that I didn’t agree with her recent decisions regarding career and personal goals. I told her that the tight knit relationship we once had, was fading. How we got to this point is apparent.

We met years ago when I was only a pre-teen. She was a few years older but we made a connection early on that erased age and instead put love in the equation. It started as a serious crush on her in the beginning; I talked about her everyday and even posted pictures of her on my wall. My mom never cared for our relationship; she called her circular and said that I should get a “good” girl. My pops on the other hand could care less about our relationship, because he figured it was just a short term thing.

It was in the very late 80’s when we first connected. She had been around for a few years, had done much traveling and seen things I hadn’t seen. When she came to my neighborhood almost instantly we were connected at the hip. I guess our love for some of the same things such as music and art is what brought us together. I took her almost everywhere I went, bus rides, parties, trips to grandmas, even snuck her in my home when moms was at work. She was the best thing since Kool Aid for me…in more ways than one.

She was very giving. I remember the first gift she gave me; it was an African Medallion. She told me that I should love my heritage and support my people as it is my duty as a black man. She even talked me into getting a high top fade, a common trend around the time we met. At the blink of an eye it seems, we fell madly in love, I felt like nothing could tear us apart. My mom continued to disapprove; she came home a few times early from work only to catch us in the act. She tried to separate us but we would always find a way to be together.

As we got older my friend began to change, she became more trendy, more the norm instead of being unique as she was when we first met. She told me that she wanted to have an open relationship and date various people, but that I would still be special in her heart. She said she wanted to be free to do whatever she her heart desired. She was tired of being controlled and judged by me, her friends, family and community. For a few years I saw her date random people; a few cats that treated her well, but most of the guys she fell for where superficial. Most of them used her for money, treated her as a stepping stone to just get by.

Quickly she got a bad name as being “spread to thin” around the hood and other places she had traveled to. Many men and even women both admitted to using her for personal gain. The bad relationships that she had created hit her hard like a drug addiction causing a slow decline in the great spirit that she once possessed. She was no longer understanding and caring when I spoke to her. Her eyes were green and red from greed and hate. She felt trapped in her own body and her bad habits were eating her soul like cancer. When I tried to reach out to her, she ignored me; she kept running back to those who had abused her. Nothing I said or did seem to help.

It got to the point where I said “forget it” and I dismissed her from my life. As hurt as I was I decided to move on, reminiscing on the great times we had instead of the tragic turn in our relationship. I used her mistakes as a template on what not to do in my own life.  Despite the path she decided to take, I still love her; I grew to love her more than I loved myself. She gave me something so strong that it still lies deep in my bloodline. She taught me to love and love strongly, unconditionally. She taught me to not be afraid to reach and reach high and wide for what I want despite what others think. The most important lesson was, to dream and never stop.

I love you hip-hop.

by Guest Author: ScholarMan
Copyright © 2007. C. Schmidt. All Rights Reserved.